Why Rejection Sensitivity Hits Hard in ADHD (And How We Can Tackle It)
Hey there! If you or someone you know has ADHD, you might have noticed that rejection or criticism can feel incredibly intense. As a therapist who works with ADHD, I see this often, and it’s something worth understanding better. Understanding rejection sensitivity in ADHD is crucial, as it empowers us to manage it effectively. So, let’s chat about why rejection sensitivity is so common in ADHD and what we can do to help manage it.
What’s Rejection Sensitivity All About?
Rejection sensitivity occurs when someone has an intensely strong reaction to feeling rejected or criticized. It’s like your emotional antenna is set to high sensitivity for any signs of disapproval. For people with ADHD, this sensitivity can feel especially sharp and can impact their day-to-day life in a big way.
Why Does Rejection Sensitivity Hit Harder with ADHD?
1. Emotional Ups and Downs
ADHD often comes with emotional ups and downs. This can mean that even minor setbacks or criticisms can feel like substantial emotional hurdles. For instance, getting feedback at work might seem like a personal attack rather than a helpful suggestion. It’s not just about the feedback itself; it’s about how the brain handles and reacts to it.
2. Struggles with Executive Functioning
ADHD affects executive functioning (a fancy term for impulse control, planning, and working memory). When these skills are off, social interactions can be tricky. It’s easy to misread social cues or react in a way that doesn’t entirely fit the moment. This can lead to awkward situations that might feel like rejection, even if that wasn’t the intent.
Think about it: someone with ADHD at a social event might misunderstand a friend’s body language or accidentally interrupt a conversation. These little mishaps can make them feel rejected, even if everyone else thinks it’s no big deal.
3. Social Skills Challenges
Many people with ADHD find social skills to be a bit of a struggle. They might have trouble reading body language, keeping up with conversations, or even knowing when to jump in or step back. These difficulties can lead to misunderstandings that feel like rejection. Imagine trying to join a conversation but missing all the non-verbal cues that show whether people are interested. It’s easy to see how this could make someone feel like they’re being rejected, even if that’s not the case.
Imagine trying to join a conversation but missing all the non-verbal cues that show whether people are interested. It’s easy to see how this could make someone feel like they’re being rejected, even if that’s not the case.
4. The Rejection Feedback Loop
Rejection sensitivity can create a bit of a cycle. Past experiences of rejection or criticism can make someone more worried about future interactions. They start expecting to be rejected, which makes them more sensitive to any signs of it.
For example, suppose someone with ADHD has faced a lot of rejection historically; they might start expecting it in similar situations. This anticipation can make them react more strongly, even toward minor social hiccups.
5. Extra Layer of Anxiety or Depression
ADHD doesn’t always come alone; it often brings friends like anxiety or depression. These co-occurring conditions can make rejection sensitivity even more intense. When someone with ADHD also deals with anxiety, they might worry more about social situations, making them even more sensitive to rejection.
If someone is already feeling anxious or down, any hint of rejection can feel overwhelming. Addressing these additional concerns can help manage the overall sensitivity and improve their social experiences.
What Can We Do to Help?
1. Practice Emotional Regulation
Learning to manage emotions can make a big difference. Techniques like mindfulness and cognitive restructuring can help people with ADHD handle intense feelings better.
Mindfulness—like deep breathing or meditation—can help keep things in perspective. Cognitive restructuring, a technique used in cognitive-behavioral therapy, can help change negative thoughts about rejection into more balanced views. It involves identifying and challenging irrational or unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more realistic, truthful ones.
2. Improve Social Skills
Social skills training can be a game-changer. This might involve learning how to read social cues, communicate effectively, or confidently handle different social situations.
By practicing these skills, individuals with ADHD can navigate social interactions more smoothly and feel less likely to misinterpret situations as rejection.
3. Use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is a great tool for tackling rejection sensitivity. It helps people identify and challenge unhelpful thought patterns and develop healthier ways of thinking about social interactions.
With CBT, individuals can learn to spot when their reactions might not make sense for the situation or the perceived rejection; they can then find ways to adjust their responses.
4. Build Up Self-Esteem
Building self-esteem is really important. People with a strong sense of self-worth are better equipped to handle rejection.
Therapists can help by highlighting personal strengths, setting realistic goals, and celebrating achievements. This can help people feel more confident and less affected by rejection.
5. Address Co-occurring Conditions
If ADHD comes with anxiety or depression, it’s crucial to address those as well. Treating these conditions alongside ADHD can provide a more comprehensive approach.
Managing anxiety or depression through therapy, medication, or other strategies can help lessen the impact of rejection sensitivity and improve overall well-being.
Wrapping Up
Rejection sensitivity can be hard to deal with, especially for those with ADHD. But with an understanding of why it happens and the use of targeted strategies, we can make a big difference. By focusing on emotional regulation, social skills, cognitive restructuring, self-esteem, and addressing co-occurring conditions, we can help those with ADHD handle rejection with greater ease and confidence. I hope this information can reassure you and guide you through this journey.
As therapists, we aim to offer support and tools that help people navigate their social world more smoothly. Together, we can turn the challenge of rejection sensitivity into an opportunity for growth and better understanding.
Some of my go-to folks online are…
Jessica McCabe and all her socials. Her website is https://howtoadhd.com/
ADDitude Magazine, an online resource with just so many articles that can help normalize and provide tips, can be found at https://www.additudemag.com/
Connor DeWolfe for some humor mixed into some really interesting information about ADHD. He can be found on TikTok at https://www.tiktok.com/@connordewolfe?lang=en
Want to learn more about about starting therapy?
You can see some information on individual therapy here. You can learn more about me and how I conceptualize therapy work here. And you can reach out to schedule a free consultation for therapy here.
